Monday, August 22, 2011

Honest Time

When I started this blog, it was all about wedding plans, cooking and style. Over the last couple years, as my life has progressed, so has the blog. I am honest on here. I try to be real, even when I worry I might alienate some readers. I read a variety of blogs myself, and sometimes I don't always agree with the author's opinions, but I like that! Many of my friends are so much like me that we don't really debate issues, so it's refreshing to read and "get to know" new people with different experiences and perspectives from my own.

So now I'm going to open up in a way I haven't really in the past.... On Saturday, my husband and I had a blow out! I'm talking b.a.d. argument. I don't pretend to have a perfect marriage, because, who does, right? BUT, my husband and I do get along really well. We are a lot alike when it comes to our opinions and how we see the world. We both work hard, and we work together, because our "vision" for our future is one in the same. My mom once commented that she enjoyed debating with the man she was seeing at the time. She enjoyed debating with my dad when they were married. B and I joked that we can't really "debate" because we pretty much agree on everything. We end up heatedly agreeing with one another, and then we laugh because, what's the point? We need a third party to get involved.Weeellll, my motto of "don't get too comfortable, because karma's a you-know-what" rang true on Saturday. We got into it, big time. Over what you might ask? Oh, it's the same argument we often have- grocery shopping. We solved the "lunch issue", and now we've moved on, and we're fighting over a lack of snacks. He needs more readily available snacks and I'm not a psychic, so I don't know what to buy for him. My talents are numerous, believe me, but reading minds? Sorry, haven't mastered that one yet! ;)

But the fight wasn't really just about snacks. It was about communication and respect. I respect my husband. I think he respects me. Do we tell each other, "Good morning dear, I love and respect you." everyday? Umm, noooo. But, we show each other. We have our unique ways of doing that, but we do it everyday.But I think maybe I'm slacking. Not having snacks in the house seems so trivial, but grocery shopping is one of my "duties" in our marriage. One of the ways I show my love and respect is to make nice dinners, or bake some cupcakes just because. And, I guess, to have snacks in the house. I also can be a bitch sometimes. Sometimes it's funny, other times I think he feels like I treat as though he were a member of my staff. If I had a staff, I'd probably be way more pleasant because I wouldn't be so stressed. I'm a perfectionist, and I can be cranky when things aren't the way I want them to be. I get tired and can't keep up with my perfectionism, but can't rest until things are "perfect"'s a vicious cycle.

The argument was resolved. He wasn't innocent in the whole thing. It was one of those arguments when you both "get it all out there". I cried, we both shouted, the cat seemed to take my side (obvi), and then we made up. We wasted a couple hours fighting, but in the end it was kinda worth it. It's like a job review only way less civil. I think sometimes we need to "check" each other, because if we don't it'll go from something we can resolve to something we can't. I'm sure I'll go back to being bitchy again, and he'll go back to overreacting and making me even more upset. We will have another blow out (luckily this only happened about once a year), and we'll "check" each other again. BUT we will still care enough to do this little routine. And in all the moments in between, we will show love and respect in our own little ways. Sometimes I think fighting is healthy, at least for us, because I can handle whatever it is he has to say. What I don't think I could ever handle is if he stopped talking, or I stopped talking. If we stopped caring enough to tell the other person what an ass hole they are. That is terrifying.In the meantime, I'm going to Kroger, and I plan to buy more snacks then you'd find in a frat house. I will write little notes on the bags saying, 'I love you, and I don't care if these snacks make you chunky....because you work hard for me, and for us, and you deserve a damn Milky Way". :)


Carrie said...

Lol love your note idea.

Idk what kind of snacks B likes but there are a lot of delicious, healthy options I buy for Danny that substitute all his favorites and taste just as good. I'll be posting about it soon but Kashi, Kettle chips (tons of variety), Zevia/Blue Sky, Annies, etc. The great part is they're available at Target and Kroger and are comparable to the popular stuff.

Always Organizing said...

I think this is such a great post!!! I do feel it is healthy to fight things out sometimes. I never want to be one of those couples that just stay silent and become resentful towards each other. Plus, making up is always fun ;)

Legallyblondemel said...

It's the couples that don't fight that I worry about. It's all about finding a way to argue productively, I think. Sounds like you two have your moments like any of us Smug Marrieds do & have found a good compromise.

Cool Gal said...

You are so wise for someone your age and have a lot of perspective. So many young brides think marriage is all about "roses and champagne." That is unrealistic and they are headed for unhappiness.

Fighting is healthy. I knew a couple once who never fought. He was the domineering one and she was so passive. Well, guess what? D.I.V.O.R.C.E. Fighting is a way of being heard. Kind of a reality check, too.

I love that you are going to go and buy some snacks for your mister because, damn it, he does deserve that Milky Way bar (LOVE the idea of the "little notes.").

In my opinion, marriage is about love, respect, compromise, and "the little things." Like your little love notes! :) If you have that, everything else falls into place. Sounds like you and "B" have a wonderful relationship and many wonderful years ahead.

Bella Michelle said...

I have learned after almost 23 years of marriage it is about speaking the other person's "love language" and if snacks being available help fill up your hubs love tank...then buy those snacks! LOL Showing love it not a defined thing and y'all are growing and learning about how to do it...even if it feels painful for a little while. (((hugs))) I always feel that fights are scary but you do grow each time.